


Lovely Thoughts

by likehandlingroses



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Gen, Gideon is gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 15:28:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10993734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likehandlingroses/pseuds/likehandlingroses
Summary: Rumple helps Gideon with his nightmares about what happened to Roderick. Takes place between 6x19-6x20.





	Lovely Thoughts

They’d put Gideon in one of the spare rooms, the one with the window facing the backyard. Days ago, Belle had remarked that, _when_ they got their son back, he’d like that room best. After years of living with the Black Fairy he’d like the view, she said, before adding that of course they’d need to bring some bookshelves in to make it perfect. Rumple had been too thrilled by the fact that Belle actually wanted Gideon to stay in his home to do anything but agree with the plan wholeheartedly.

But to speak of their child being there, to imagine him safe and sleeping under the same roof as his parents, was one thing; actually knowing it to be true was entirely another, and Rumple’s heart skipped a beat when he entered the house and saw Gideon’s jacket hanging on the rack next to Belle’s. He shrugged off his own coat and smiled. Whatever happened with the Black Fairy, whatever he had to do...it had been worth it to get his son’s heart back, to make sure he was safe. Perhaps it wasn’t what a Savior did. Perhaps a Savior didn’t need any assurances before rushing in and fighting. But Rumple wasn’t a Savior, wasn’t sure he wanted to be. Certainly not at the cost of his son. Nothing was worth that. Nothing in all the realms.

As he climbed the staircase, he heard a stirring from Gideon’s room, followed by a low cry. A moment of visceral fear gripped him as he hastened to the door, but upon opening it he found only Gideon tossing in his bed, covered in sweat, murmuring to himself:

“No, _no_...please don’t…”

Part of Rumple would have preferred to have found the Black Fairy there ready to steal Gideon away again, having realized it had been a mistake to get rid of her leverage. He could have stopped her in an instant, destroyed her before she ever touched Gideon again. But he wasn’t sure he could stop whatever it was that his son was fighting in his nightmares.

 Nevertheless, he knelt beside Gideon’s bed and shook him by the shoulder, one hand already moving to push his hair back from his soaked forehead.

 “Son...waken up...it’s okay, you’re okay.”

 Gideon gasped as his eyes popped open. He jolted up just a few inches before meeting his father’s gaze and visibly relaxing. He sighed and let his head fall back down on the pillow.

 “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t realize I was-”

 “No, no...it’s alright, son. I was awake anyway, just happened to hear. You’re fine now. Can I get you some water?”

 Gideon nodded, and Rumple summoned the glass in an instant.

 “Do you often have nightmares?” he asked.

 Gideon hesitated before nodding again, looking down at the glass he now held cupped between two clammy, shaking hands.

 “Is there anything that helps?”

 “I just go back to sleep. Or try to,” Gideon said, shrugging.

 Rumple saw how tense his jaw was, how afraid he was of seeming to need anything, of being weak. Rumple would have liked to tell him that he was the bravest person he’d ever known--and with a list that included Belle and Bae, it was no small feat to be at the top. But it would take time to teach Gideon that nothing was wrong with him. For now, Rumple just had to find a way to make sure his son could sleep.

“You know, when your brother would have nightmares, we’d talk about something nice before he went back to sleep. And that would help.”

 Gideon shook his head. “I don’t want to keep you-”

 “I’m your father; I’m glad to do it. If you’d like, of course.”

 Gideon looked at him, then, and Rumple could see the warring doubt and relief in his eyes.

 “Just talk about something nice?”

 “Yes. Something that happened that day, something that might happen to tomorrow, something that might never happen but that would be wonderful if it did...the main thing’s to get something pleasant in your head before going back to sleep.”

 “That’s the trouble,” Gideon said. “I shouldn’t be having nightmares; today’s been the best day in my life. With you and Mother...I’d always imagined what it might be like, but I didn’t know it would be all the things it was. What it would be like to have someone care about me. _Two_ people. My parents. And I’ve got a room and a house….there’s something called ice cream…”

 Gideon looked at his father with one of his rare grins, and Rumple felt something inside his heart stir that had remained stagnant for far too long.

“It’s more than I ever imagined," Gideon continued. "And I’m so happy; I don’t see how there’s room for anything else.”

 “All the same, you’ve had enough pain in your life that it’ll linger. Perhaps it’s better to talk about that. What the nightmares are about. Get it out, get it free.”

 Though Rumple knew in his heart the suggestion was the right one, he regretted it the moment his words wiped the smile from Gideon’s face. Before he could amend his statement, however, Gideon had begun to speak.

 “Do you remember when I told you about the boy next to me? The one the Black Fairy took, the one I didn’t try to save?”

 Rumple nodded.

 “Just before I came to Storybrooke, I saw him again. The Black Fairy sent me to find whoever had stolen the key to her vault...and it was him. I’d thought he was dead, and he wasn’t. And he didn’t hate me. He still thought I could help him save everyone.”

Gideon’s voice broke as he continued:

 “But he was wrong. She found out what we were up to, and to punish me she--she killed him. Right in front of me.”

 “And that’s what you see in the nightmares,” Rumple said, knowing it was a stupid thing to say but not knowing what to put in its place.

 “He was so afraid, and I couldn’t do anything,” Gideon continued, no small hint of self-loathing in his voice. “I failed him. Again. And now he’s dead, and I can’t ever fix it.”

 “It isn’t your fault, son,” Rumple said softly, knowing in his heart that part of Gideon would never, never believe it. How many times had he himself felt as though Bae’s blood was on his hands?

 “It’s not just that,” Gideon said. “He was the only friend I’d ever had. I just..I miss him.”

 Rumple closed his eyes for a moment and nodded. Perhaps he knew what to do after all.

“What was his name?” he asked.

 “Roderick,” Gideon replied, and Rumple saw the smallest hint of a smile coming back to his face.

 “And what was Roderick like? What did _you_ like about him?”

 Gideon thought for only a moment before speaking.

 "He never stopped seeing the good in people. In me. I almost forgot everything I’d believed about heroes and bravery. I was so close to giving up on everything Mother wanted me to be...but Roderick didn’t. He kept it in his heart for years, even in that terrible place, seeing terrible things. When we were young I’d promised I’d keep him safe, but he’s the one who saved me.”

 An image of Belle flashed in Rumple’s mind as Gideon spoke of Roderick, and he silently thanked the boy for giving his son the love and hope he’d so desperately needed.

 “It sounds as though he was special to you.”

“Yeah,” Gideon said, and Rumple could see him drawing back, regretting his outburst of emotion.

“I know it may not seem like it, given what happened...but you’re lucky to have had someone like that in your life,” he said, trying to keep Gideon from retreating back into himself.

“Oh, I know it,” Gideon said. “I just wish I could have done something.”

“And you always will. Nothing anyone says will change that; I know. But it helps to remember the good things. What made it special-what made _him_ special. Do you think you could do that?”

“I can try.”

Rumple nodded. “Good. Now you close your eyes, remember him just the way you loved him best, and go back to sleep.”

He moved to stand up, but Gideon’s hand was on his shoulder in a moment, stopping him.

“If you could...I think it’d be easier to remember if I wasn’t alone,” he said softly.

“You want me to stay,” Rumple said, dazed.

“If it isn’t-”

“Of course it isn’t,” he said, almost sharply in his eagerness. He took a breath before continuing, allowing himself to settle into someone more comforting. “I’ll stay here as long as you need.”

“Just until I get to sleep,” Gideon continued, still under the impression that there was something he needed to explain to his father beyond the fact that he needed him. “It’s just the dark, being alone. It’s always frightened me. You’d think I’d be used to it, but it’s only gotten worse.”

“Well, you aren’t alone now, are you? And I’ll be here now, whenever you need me." 

Gideon smiled, his eyes filling up with tears again.

“Thank you.”

He fell asleep quickly, and--though Rumple waited by his side for some time just in case--Gideon didn't stir again until the morning. 


End file.
